When I went Ice Skating

December 3, 2005 in Short Stories

I remember this one time…it was a warm summer day in the middle of January when I decided that I was going to go ice skating. I’m pretty sure I must have been drunk or high or tripping on acid because I had never been compelled to go ice skating before. So I grab my skates and head down to the pond.

So I’m driving my 4-wheeler to the store where I was going to go fishing on this cool autumn day in August when I saw my good friend Billy. Now I don’t tell people I’m friends with Billy because he’s a fucking loser…no one really likes him…Billy if you’re reading this man I’m sorry…but you’re cool you fucking loser. He was flying a kite…I remember thinking this was odd because it was 1 AM in the morning and it was kind of creepy.

I stopped and talked to Billy for a while and asked him why he was flying a kite. Billy is about the biggest German Shepard you’ve ever seen but he is a total sweetheart, he was off to the side of the road foraging for some scraps. So Billy tells me why he is flying the kite and he gets on the back of my 4-wheeler so I can continue to head down to the store so I can pick up a new bowling ball.

It wasn’t about 10 minutes later that I realized Billy had fell out of the boat. I looked around the lake and could not see him anywhere…I’ll I could find of him was his favorite red baseball cap. To this day I still keep his favorite yellow scarf on my desk in memory of Billy — the best pet lizard anyone could ever have.

Anyhow as I was driving my golf cart to Disney Land with Billy by my side I began to think to myself…what if I were to take a golf club and bend it into the shape of a horse shoe. The thought of that cracked me up, made me cry…and quite frankly made me a little bit turned on. But I had to get to the motel because I was very tired and new I would not be able to make it back to my adobe hut.

I get to the aquarium where Billy had been waiting for me for quite some time. We grabbed some food at the local laundromat and headed to Pizza Hut to wash the dirty laundry.

And that my friends was how I lost my first tooth.

Moral of the story: a friend in need always makes you feel better about yourself…but you cannot set aside your own feelings for that of the spoon.